I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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