I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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