If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
