dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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