You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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