just tell him i said nine months
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
