Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
