I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
