you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
