come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
