in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
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So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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