So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
