checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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