someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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