I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
