Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
