i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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