Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she told me i tasted like america
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
