My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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