Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize