shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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