from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
