i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me