i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
