The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
