Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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