Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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