All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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