By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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