Jerry, you need to find god
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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