i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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