We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
