i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
