my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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