he puts the penis in happiness.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
