Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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