hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize