the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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