Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.