I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.