just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.