guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.