Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML

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  (202): i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML http://tfl.nu/7ngy
  Replies (4) Good night (1311) Bad night (631)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

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  (970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. (970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right. http://tfl.nu/uxeh
  Replies (18) Good night (1326) Bad night (1838)
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  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (1369) Bad night (7805)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm

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  (410): I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7vv
  Replies (13) Good night (2940) Bad night (843)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.

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  (502): He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug. http://tfl.nu/8k23
  Replies (6) Good night (805) Bad night (1608)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong

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  (319): Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong http://tfl.nu/nuya
  Replies (6) Good night (3830) Bad night (829)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.

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  (774): I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit. http://tfl.nu/t89l
  Replies (9) Good night (4246) Bad night (998)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.

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  (205): Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight. http://tfl.nu/1hhy
  Replies (11) Good night (2854) Bad night (697)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.

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  (206): After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard. http://tfl.nu/g18p
  Replies (1) Good night (630) Bad night (669)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it

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  (+44): He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it http://tfl.nu/n5kq
  Replies (10) Good night (1813) Bad night (484)
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  (661): View more from California

  Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.

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  (661): Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre. http://tfl.nu/eizk
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (627)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.

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  (801): Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later. http://tfl.nu/hc8l
  Replies (10) Good night (612) Bad night (773)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick

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  (216): Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick http://tfl.nu/45q6
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (414)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.

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  (857): He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive. http://tfl.nu/yodw
  Replies (0) Good night (287) Bad night (509)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.

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  (315): My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood. http://tfl.nu/j3sr
  Replies (1) Good night (387) Bad night (147)

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