What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
