who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat