I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
