You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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