i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
