I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
