I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
