Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
