Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
