she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
