I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
