My cat gives me a boner
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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