I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize