does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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