im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
