Who did Billy Mays play for?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
