this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
