New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
