Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
