So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
