My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
