girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
