Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
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I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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