I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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