ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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