I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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