Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
