you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
