He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
