What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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