I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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