That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
