You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
