forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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