Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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