I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
