why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
