I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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