omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize