I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
