White coat. Heels.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
