Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am available for nakedness
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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