she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
